Caring for My Wife's Parents?:
Reconciling Practices, Masculinity and Family Relations
Hiroko Umegaki-Costantini
Introduction
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Social and family relations in Japan have changed extensively since the
post-war period. The scope of these changes has been wide-ranging,
encompassing parent-child relationships, demography, marriage patterns,
ageing, child-care, residential patterns, and gender roles, as well as
the decline of Confucian worldviews. One notable sphere of change has
centred on the legal basis for family relationships. During the Meiji
period, the Family Law of 1898 established male primogeniture as the
legal mechanism for head-of-household succession and inheritance with
the formal institutionalisation of the ie (Japanese
stem-household) system. Under this law, an important alternative form of
succession in the absence of a lineal male heir was the adoption of an
heir (yōshi) to succeed the ie, often marrying a daughter of the adoptive parents as an in-marrying son-in-law (muko yōshi).[1]
More commonly, however, women left their natal households upon marriage
to join their husbands' family households as daughters-in-law (yome).
In this role, women assumed substantial duties of care for their
husbands and households, including eventually the care of elderly
parents-in-law. Moreover, as married daughters were no longer considered
to be members of their parents' ie (households), marriage tended
to signify the end of substantively meaningful contact between parents
and their daughters. Historically, then, sons-in-law were in most cases
of only marginal importance to the Japanese family structure, which has
been reflected in the relative lack of attention given to sons-in-law
within the study of Japanese family relations. Although the ie system was legally abolished through the Family Law of 1947 enacted under the Allied Occupation, the ie system continues to retain a normative influence on family relations.[2]
The Family Law instituted the nuclear family as the legal basis for
family, which has gradually become the prevalent form of family in the
post-war period.[3]
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Especially amongst nuclear families, Japan's industrialisation resulted
in the widespread social standardisation of a gendered division of
labour. On the one hand, women's increasing full-time commitment to the
domestic concerns of housework and child-raising contributed to a
'professionalisation' of the housewife role (sengyō shufu),[4] nurturing the establishment of close and intimate relationships between mothers and their children.[5] On the other hand, men's pursuit of the salaryman
life course of dedication to a corporate employer as a means of
financially supporting their families and by extension propel Japan's
national economy led to the entrenchment of the salaryman experience as a
hegemonic model for Japanese masculinity.[6] The burgeoning of such nuclear families in post-war Japan contributed to the reshaping of inter-generational relations.
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Not only are sons increasingly less bound by filial duty to care for
their own parents, the transition towards interpersonal intimacy as the
ideological basis of parent-child relations has also tended to favour
relationships with daughters.[7]
Notably, this has fostered closer parental relations with daughters even
after marriage. Anthropologist Naomi Brown in 2003 has documented a
gradual but steady increase in the proportion of elderly couples living
with daughters, which contrasts markedly with traditional Japanese
notions of the agnatic succession of responsibility of care within the ie system.[8]
This shift has moreover been underway for some time. Anthropologists
Susan Long and colleagues in 2009 have demonstrated that care for the
elderly within the context of the family has transitioned from a formal
burden fulfilled by affinal daughters-in-law as part of their structural
role towards becoming a form of support largely provided by daughters
motivated by intimate and affectionate relations with their mothers.[9]
In the case of married daughters, this could be interpreted as a
structural change in the orientation of care from the marriage household
to the natal household.
-
As daughters are increasingly drawn into the provision of care for their
own parents, in this article I suggest that it is instructive to
consider the ensuing changes in how sons-in-law are implicated in care
for frail parents-in-law. Given their marginality to traditional family
structures, such relations between parents-in-law and sons-in-law have
remained relatively obscure. Nevertheless, the relatively unprecedented
nature of the contemporary form of this relation implies the absence of
clear social expectations governing affinal relationships for
sons-in-law. Accordingly, this relation may be thought to constitute a
focal point for negotiation and reorientation for contemporary families
not only in terms of the son-in-law relationship, but for notions of
Japanese masculinities more broadly.
-
Men's involvement in caring for the elderly dislocates the
conventionally gendered understanding of caregiving as a feminine
domain, which has been a touchstone for gender studies and research into
the long-term care of the elderly.[10]
Men's contributions in this sphere have received significantly less
consideration, though a more recent and growing body of literature is
beginning to showcase men in the role of primary caregivers.[11]
Nonetheless, from the perspective of the anthropological consideration
of everyday life, male caregivers in the Japanese context are
under-studiedin particular the roles and practices of men involved in
the care of elderly relatives. Further, given the significant normative
transition toward the practice of daughters caring for their own
parents, it is all the more important to understand caregiving
arrangements across the extended family by considering how family
members contribute in auxiliary as well as in primary roles.
-
Hence, in this article, I investigate the specific practices by which
sons-in-law involve themselves in care of their spouses' parents, their
own ideas about what this entails, and how they reconcile these demands
and commitments with their sense of masculinity. I draw on ethnographic
data collected during fieldwork in Hyogo Prefecture in Japan in the
summers of 2013 and 2014, including twenty-nine narrative interviews
with sons-in-law and other members of their respective families as well
as my own participant observation of various family functions, care
facilities, and other social events. I seek to contribute to the
understanding of the nexus of gender, elderly care, and intra-familial
relatedness. This is important as care provision by sons-in-law will
likely become increasingly significant given the pressures of an ageing
society.
The sense of masculinity of the caring sons-in-law
-
As daughters become increasingly implicated into caring for their own
parents, any understanding of the masculinities of married Japanese men
must incorporate a sense of how they contribute to such care
arrangements as sons-in-law. This is illustrated by Kazuhiko,[12]
a 44-year-old garage mechanic, whose wife's parents (in their seventies
and eighties) live with their eldest son, a bachelor, about twenty
minutes' drive away. While his mother-in-law does not suffer from any
major health problems, Kazuhiko's father-in-law has been bedridden for
the past four years. In an interview, he told me that
I do think that I have a role in care as a son-in-law. But I don't think
I could support my parents-in-law financially they'd feel awkward (ki o tsukau)
and our relationship could be ruined if money were involved
My
brother-in-law understands this. I can help out, for example, by driving
them to the hospital
I think I should care for them within the scope
of my ability
That's to say, when I have the time I can't go out so
easily due to my work here [in the garage]
I could maybe feed him if I
were asked to
But I don't think I could change his nappies
I might
be able to do some of the heavier physical work (chikara shigoto)
like helping with bathing
I might have to do more if there weren't
anyone else around to take care of them (Hyogo, 29 June 2014).
-
Here, Kazuhiko envisions a clear range of activities he considers
appropriate to his role as son-in-law taking into account the fact that
his wife's parents live with their eldest son. Whereas this might
include driving his parents-in-law to hospital, it does not extend to
more intimate physical tasks, or to financial support. This delimitation
is moreover not based on assessment of needs, but rather based on his
view of propriety. Kazuhiko expects financial arrangements to follow
traditional norms, and thus considers the financial support of parents
to be the eldest son's responsibility. It is worth noting that none of
the sons-in-law I spoke with consider financial support to be part of
their role, unless other family members are not able to provide
financial support. With respect to other aspects of care, as well,
Kazuhiko has clear and contingent views on the extent to which his
involvement is appropriate. Were neither his wife nor sister-in-law to
be available, he would be willing to take on other duties, such as
feeding his in-laws. He could also see himself being involved in areas
where physical strength might be required. From Kazuhiko's perspective,
his involvement most appropriately consists of practical matters such as
transportation (particularly but not necessarily only for medical
purposes) and, if necessary, practical help with activities of daily
living in the home, such as bathing and feeding. Despite the breadth of
this range of tasks, this involvement conspicuously does not touch on
the more emotional aspects of his relationship with his parents-in-law,
such as, for example, providing companionship or sharing in subjective
experiences. Kazuhiko's involvement is thus contingent not only on
practical concerns such as caregiver availability as it relates to
himself and others, but also his perceptions of his own and others'
suitability for specific care tasks.
-
When discussing their respective ways of contributing, my informants
explain how they perceive the suitability of their roles in a variety of
ways. A common theme is the assertion of correspondence between their
care activities in the home and their duties at work or with reference
to their professional careers. For instance, Yukio, a carpenter in his
late fifties, accompanies his wife on a two-hour journey every month to
visit her mother:
My work relates to care. My jobs include installing handrails and ramps
inside houses and replacing Japanese-style squat toilets to
western-style toilet bowls. I've been thinking of putting in ramps for
these large gaps between the floors and ground [at my mother-in-law's
house] (Hyogo, 8 July 2013).
-
Yukio's account of his involvement in caring for his mother-in-law thus
starts with an explanation of his job. His main role, as he sees it, has
been to address accessibility problems at his mother-in-law's house by
adding handrails and finding a bath chair to help her bathe more
comfortably. The flexible terms of his employment also allow him to
occasionally take time off from his job to undertake repairs. He affirms
that he is more than happy to help his mother-in-law within the scope
of his professional competencies.
-
Yukio's mother-in-law, Yoshie, appreciates her son-in-law's
contribution, which she contrasts with the experiences of her friends at
the day care centre she visits:
I am very grateful. I couldn't find a better person than [Yukio]
Nowadays, it seems that only sons come back to visit their own elderly
parents, leaving their wives at home. Even if sons come back and help
with outdoor work (soto shigoto), their elderly mothers still
have to cook. I don't know why, but the wives [i.e., daughters-in-law]
don't come back to visit [their parents-in-law]. I guess they think it's
their husbands' responsibility to look after their own parents
When
we were young, the custom was that women would look after their
parents-in-law
The situation is significantly different now (Hyogo, 8
July 2013).
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For people of Yoshie's generation, the duty to care for elderly parents
was regarded as falling naturally to sons (especially eldest sons) and
their wives. Sons, as heads of household, were responsible for matters
outside the house (soto shigoto) such as weeding and cultivating
rice, and daughters-in-law for domestic chores. Having been raised with
this view, Yoshie appreciates her son-in-law all the more for his
spontaneous expressions of kindness, which surpass what she feels she
might expect from a daughter's husband. This assistance is also
appreciated by Yukio's wife and sister-in-law. The latter, who lives
near Tokyo, is too far away to frequently provide support in person.
Yoshie has seen a significant shift in the configuration of family care
responsibilities over her lifetime. From her generation's perspective,
the absence of any expectation of their sons-in-laws' help means that
they highly appreciate the care received, even though this is framed
through Yukio's perspective as an application of his own professional
capabilities and experience as a carpenter.
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A similar, if perhaps more 'white-collar' example of how care
engagements are framed in the language of the masculine sphere of work
is provided by another informant, who speaks of his care experience in
the idiom of 'management.' Tetsuya, a 57-year-old salaryman, lives with
his own parents, who are in their early eighties. At the time of our
interview, his mother-in-law had recently been hospitalised after an
operation:
I care for my mother-in-law by managing (kanri) her household.
Since I live nearby, this includes such things as weeding her garden. I
maintain her empty house, keeping it in an adequate condition so as not
to trouble her neighbours. I can handle the heavier aspects of this work
(chikara shigoto), the things men can do
I have never cleaned
I weed when I have time, as in any case I have to take my child to a
cram school very near her house. I keep asking my wife to weed but she
always finds some excuse 'I don't like frogs' or 'I'm too busy.' I
think that she just doesn't want to do it. So, there's nothing for it (shikata ga nai) but to do it myself when the grass gets too long (Hyogo, 7 August 2013).
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For Tetsuya, 'management' (kanri) is a familiar concept from the
workplace, where he is a senior manager. He draws on the experience and
idioms of his work role and practices in his subjective engagement with
care for the elderly. Looking after his mother-in-law's house is an
administrative task, and his primary aim is to ensure that the task is
done appropriately. That said, he does not necessarily want to carry out
the necessary tasks himselfas he makes clear, he takes care of the
weeding because, while he categorises this as a part of household
management, his wife will have nothing to do with it. It is also worth
noting that he only weeds once the grass is high enough to be seen from
the street, which suggests that he is partly motivated by the desire to
avoid being seen by the neighbours as being negligent. This means that
his view of propriety encompasses the external perspectives of
neighbours. Through his approach to its maintenance, though the garden
is a private space he makes this to some extent a public space.
Conversely, his extension of the scope of 'care' to include property
maintenance allows him to distinguish his contribution from domestic
care inside the home.
-
For Tetsuya to attempt to prepare meals for his mother-in-law, or
otherwise undertake activities with which he is personally unfamiliar,
would necessitate learning new skills. In fact, the majority of my male
informants in Tetsuya's generation do not cook at all, and nor do they
count cooking as a task to which they have any wish to contribute. The
popular view of men's authoritarian role in the home, for salarymen of
Tetsuya's generation, was connoted by the term teishu kanpaku
('master of the house'), a lexical expression of hegemonic masculinity
that came into common usage during the Japanese bubble economy in the
1980s, when domineering husbands, returning late from work, expected
their wives to serve drinks, run their baths, and prepare their beds.[13]
Such everyday manifestations of power in the household served to
reinforce and reiterate a particular masculine identity. Japanese
sociologist Itō Kimio argues that an important component of contemporary
masculinity can be traced to the experience of industrialisation, when
physical power was a key element of industrial labour and men's
authority in the home was rooted in the family's dependence on the
husband's income. Itō characterises the sense of masculinity as being
grounded in three main elements, namely an orientation towards achieving
superiority (yūetsu shikō), power (kenryoku shikō), and possession (shoyū shikō) in relation to women.[14]
For men of Tetsuya's generation, the idea of learning to cook (or how
to perform any such domestic task), especially from their wives, may be
expected to infringe on their sense of masculinity in so far as it is
inconsistent with their view of what is acceptable and expected for
men's roles in the domestic sphere. Rather, Tetsuya's characterisation
of his contribution to caring for his in-laws emphasises a masculine
trope that serves to reinforce his male pride.
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Transportation is another theme frequently framed by my informants as a
key contribution to caring for parents-in-law, as seen above in the case
of Kazuhiko. Some are happy to drive on a regular basis. One informant
explains that 'I drove my wife once a week to visit the hospital where
my mother-in-law was staying, as my wife was unable to drive herself
[due to problems with her legs].' Some are willing to drive
parents-in-law to hospitals or shopping centres if no one else is
available. For my informants, and for the vast majority of people in the
region, driving is an everyday activity, especially as most employees
commute by car. As a means of supporting parents-in-law, driving thus
recapitulates a familiar everyday activity that sits comfortably within
the realm of masculinity.
-
Notably, it is the literal act of driving that tends to be the focus
here, even if this is not the end that such transportation serves. One
informant describes a recent experience of a father-in-law who had been
institutionalised at a nursing care facility: 'I take my father-in-law
out for a drive, as I figure it's boring to sit around all day long
[i.e., at the care facility], though we don't go far. Usually I pick him
up, take him for a drive, and then head back to the care facility in
the late afternoon' (Hyogo, 30 June 2014). Although his description
emphasises the driving itself, vehicular transportation is in fact
incidental in this case. Rather, driving is instrumental to the
provision of companionship and diversion. Notwithstanding the underlying
purposes, it is in terms of activities they associate themselves with,
such as the act of driving, that my informants tend to describe their
care of elderly in-laws.
-
Informants also tend to foreground activities they characterise as
requiring physical strength (and which are thus associated with
masculinity). For instance, weeding does not necessarily require
strength, though my informants narrate this as a physically demanding
activity. Such activities are characterised as 'heavy physical labour
(fit for a man)' ([otoko ni dekiru] chikara shigoto). This
association with strength, however, is not the only factor governing an
activity's suitability. One informant, for example, while willing to
weed his mother-in-law's garden, does not do so for his own octogenarian
mother with whom he lives, explaining that she says she is perfectly
able and does not need his help. Taking into account his mother's own
inclinations and abilities, he does not weed though he could do so. A
common thread throughout my informants' accounts is that they
purposefully choose from a range of familiar masculine activities while
giving due consideration to whether such activities are necessary and
appreciated from the perspective of other family members. Such labour is
thus a selective expression of involvement in the provision of care.
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My informants' implicit understanding of caregiving contrasts with the definition of 'care' (kaigo)
stipulated by the Japanese Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare
(MHLW), which is prescribed in a list of sixteen support activities,
namely bathing, washing hair, wiping the body, cleaning inside the
mouth, accompanying on walks, cleaning, washing the face, assisting with
toilet activities, helping to adjust the position of the body, changing
clothes, preparing meals and tidying up, shopping, feeding, doing the
laundry, helping with medications, and facilitating communication.[15]
This narrowly focused list, which enumerates nursing care and
communication activities that the government aims to apply universally
for all caregivers, purports to be gender-neutral with regard to
caregivers and care recipients. Such a claim, however, begs the question
of how gender affects caregiving in practice (as well as the needs of
care recipients). In contrast to this official definition, notions of
care for my informants differs markedly in terms not only of who would
be involved in its provision, but also the actual scope of everyday
practices entailed, which are considered much more broadly. Considering
everyday practices thus challenge 'official' governmental notions of
what constitutes care. Moreover, recognising caregivers' 'gendered'
proclivities enables identification of what specific care practices are
likely to be carried out.
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Seen in spatial terms, sons-in-law tend to relate their contributions to
care of elderly parents-in-law to recognisably public roles. For
example, they often take part in local community meetings on behalf of
parents-in-law. This is in marked contrast with their wives'
contributions, which tend to be more focused on domestic tasks such as
cooking, cleaning, laundry, and helping with toilet activities. Here
too, while leaving more domestic affairs largely to their wives, men are
engaging in matters with which they are already somewhat familiar.
Thus, rather than a negative resistance against involvement in
activities deemed 'feminine,' my informants are choosing actively to
become engaged in care (and care-related) activities in areas where they
feel capable and able to draw on their experience in other spheres.
Thus, by expanding notions of care to encompass public engagement and
physical labour, sons-in-law are able to rationalise and be comfortable
being involved in the provision of elderly care for their parents-in-law
while drawing on their existing sense of masculinity.
Son-in-law as a main carer: Dislocating masculinity?
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Although sons-in-law are increasingly involved in the provision of
support for elderly and frail parents-in-law, they only rarely serve as
primary caregivers. Nevertheless, such cases do exist. Further, in view
of Japan's ongoing demographic shift towards an aging society, increased
participation by women in paid work, and increasingly precarious
employment patterns, such relationships may become more common in the
future. I discuss one such case in this section as an illustration of
how such a relationship comes to be formed and understood by its
participants.
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Minoru, aged 58, lives with his wife Natsuko and adult son in the same
household as his own mother and his wife's father. Minoru is the eldest
son and his younger sister lives an hour's drive away with her own
immediate family. His father has been institutionalised at a care
centre, while his mother-in-law is deceased. Minoru's mother's health
had been failing for several years. Even so, she has remained mostly
independent and regularly visits a day service centre. Minoru and
Natsuko were thus able to look after her while both working full-time
jobs. A year before our interview, however, Minoru suffered a breakdown
from overwork. After he recovered, he decided to quit his job, which he
felt was too much for him. When finding another job proved difficult for
him, Natsuko suggested that Minoru stay at home to look after his
mother. Both she and their son worked full time and so Minoru had no
need to worry about the family's income. Around the same time, his
father-in-law seriously injured his leg in a fall, and was no longer
able to live on his own. Natsuko's older brother already lived with his
own parents-in-law while his wife was bound in a wheelchair. Taking pity
on Natsuko's father as a man who had always shown him kindness, Minoru
invited his father-in-law to move in with them. His situation as the
principal family caregiver thus emerged due to a convergence of
contingent circumstances.
Given the family's situation and support available through the day
services centre, it might be seen as only reasonable that Minoru should
look after his mother and father-in-law. However, he sometimes finds
everyday life tough on his masculine self-regard:
Still, I struggle [with the transition from working to caregiving]. I
sometimes wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I think I'd rather still
be working. If my situation were normal (furatto, i.e. 'flat'),
it would be absolutely impossible to stay at home. Absolutely
impossible. I still want to work despite my back pains and poor health.
I'm still a man!
At the moment, I'm something of a jack-of-all-trades (nandemoya).
If somebody asks me to do something, I do it. If somebody asks me to
fix their machines, I fix them. I tell people I'll do whatever I can do
for them. My friends call me 'NPO Minoru' or 'volunteer Minoru.' Some
people bring beer [instead of money]
I've dropped by the community
centre to see if they need my help. They pay 1,000 yen (about 6-7 GBP)
an hour for me to cut grass and take care of odd jobs
I spend the
money on cigarettes and gear for my car, now not so much as before
As a
man, it feels good to earn money, even though it is only a little
People in the neighbourhood see [my work] and trust me to do a good job
The other day I was asked to do some pruning!
I think it would be
very hard if all I did was provide care for those two. Definitely hard
if I had to do it all day long
I go out to drive my car at least once a
day: I like to listen to the roar of the car engines I need to listen
to the roar of the engine of my car; otherwise I lose my motivation for
everything. I sometimes I go to a car circuit to release stress
Still, I feel kind of trapped. I sometimes ask myself if it is all right
(Hyogo, 28 July 2014).
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For Minoru, being a caregiver is a role that conflicts with masculinity.
In his view a man should keep working (i.e., outside the house) even in
times of poor health; staying home caring for the elderly is clearly
unsatisfying in this regard. To solve this problem, he seeks out
irregular part-time work. While not necessarily generating much income,
the gratitude and trust he earns from people in his neighbourhood from
performing such jobs well are much more significant. While the little
income he does earn allows him to pay for pastimes like smoking and
driving without imposing on his wife's income, his income is by no means
sufficient to support his family. This is in marked contrast to the
hegemonic notion of masculinity that strongly associates men as family
breadwinners through their characterisation of men as daikokubashira (literally the central pillar supporting the traditional Japanese house).[16]
Minoru's case interestingly presents an instance where work is not to
sustain the family financially; rather it is the very act of performing
tasks outside the house that serves to maintain his sense of
masculinity.
-
Even so, in practice Minoru's household chores continue to rankle. He
often needs to prepare lunch, which he says he keeps simple, and while
he may help with preparations for dinner, such as by washing and cutting
vegetables, he leaves the final preparation of meals to his wife. That
way, she remains 'in charge' of dinner preparation, if only marginally.
He explains that he once worked part-time as an assistant chef,
emphasising that this experience is the only reason he is able to help
with cooking at all. In other words, (and consistent with the accounts
of my other informants), rather than having learned a domestic skill, he
has repurposed a professional skill for domestic use. Further, he
counter-balances these domestic chores with masculine pastimes that he
enjoys, such as revving the engine while driving his car.
-
Despite his de facto role as principal carer, Minoru remains reluctant
to accept this role fully, and has cultivated activities that offer
temporary escape from the household and moreover sustain his sense of
masculinity. Although social approval for male carer roles is deemed
important in sustaining masculinity,[17]
in Minoru's case the support of his wife and understanding and
acceptance on the part of his neighbours and friends are not sufficient
in themselves. Rather, the incongruity between his sense of being a man
and the reality of his daily care activities are a source of struggle.
His situation complicates any simple masculine identification, and he
feels that he must make an effort to sustain his manliness. It is also
worth noting that while he is for the moment a son-in-law taking on the
role of a primary caregiver for a parent-in-law, the prospect that this
situation will be temporary is an important factor in helping him to
reconcile his care obligations with his sense of masculinity.
Cohabitation with elderly parents-in-law
-
The specific daily practices of care in which sons-in-law become
involved depend largely on the particularities of family living
arrangements. The case of Toshihiko, a 58-year-old salaryman, presents a
situation that is in some ways the inverse of Minoru's. Toshihiko is
married to Tomoko, a 54-year-old nurse. The couple lives together with
Tomoko's parents, while Toshihiko's 92-year-old mother lives with his
elder brother. His father-in-law, aged 83, is blind in one eye and has
mobility problems. His mother-in-law, aged 79, suffers from Parkinson's
disease. Toshihiko describes the couple's decision to move in with his
wife's parents to care for them as follows:
My wife told her mother, 'It might be time for us to come to live with
you [to provide care]. But if we move in, it won't be easy to live in
this old house. Even more so for my husband. Toshihiko will be giving up
his own house to come live here, so we need something good for him.
He's making a considerable effort, and I don't want him to have to live
in the house in its current state. So, I'd like to renovate
would it
be possible for us to use your savings to pay for it?' And they did
(Hyogo, 3 August 2014).
-
Tomoko acted as the mediator, coordinating their move into the
parents-in-law's house in a way that would ensure comfort for everyone
involved, but especially for her husband, the incomer. The move required
a renovation, with Toshihiko and his parents-in-law each agreeing to
pay half the cost. However, his own mother was very much against him
giving up his home to move in with his in-laws while even having to pay.
From her perspective, the idea of moving in with parents-in-law to
provide care for them was almost inconceivable. Toshihiko has in fact
kept secret from his mother the fact that he had to secure a loan to
cover his share of the renovation. Toshihiko's choice is one that others
in his natal family may find difficult to understand, let alone agree
with. Even so, as son-in-law, Toshihiko's more significant contribution
to the provision of elderly care is important but indirect. Rather than
contributing directly, his decision to give up his own independence and
move his family means that Tomoko will be able to provide her parents
with constant and active care in the home. As Tomoko is an only child,
Toshihiko is happy to support her desire to take care of her parents.
-
The considerable outlay for the renovation suggests that Tomoko's
parents appreciate their son-in-law's willingness to move in with them.
Yet, in practice his status within his wife's family is not one of
dominance or even centrality. As a son-in-law, he prefers to avoid
confrontation and conflict with his parents-in-law, with the result that
Tomoko serves as a mediator to strike a delicate balance across the
extended family in daily life:
It's fine if my wife says something to her parents she's their child.
But if I were to speak up, it might create conflict. I try to let my
parents-in-law know what I want to tell them, but I won't say it
directly to them. I tell my wife to ask them to do certain things
differently (Hyogo Japan, 3 August 2014).
Tomoko illustrates the situation with an anecdote:
For example, my parents don't close the door of the toilet completely
when they are using it
I told them, 'Please close the door. Toshihiko
doesn't like it either.' I mentioned it to them because Toshihiko complained to me [my emphasis] (Hyogo, 3 August 2014).
-
As Toshihiko explains, in her own way 'my wife passes on what I'm
thinking to my parents-in-law.' Tomoko tries to mitigate points of
possible conflict between her parents and her husband and makes an
effort to create a nice environment for him. By indicating that her
husband feels the same way ('Toshihiko doesn't like it either')
Tomoko strengthens her position with the implication that she is the
aggrieved party, even though the resulting change is one sought by her
husband. As son-in-law, Toshihiko would prefer to avoid saying anything
negative to his parents-in-law, let alone impose his will on them under
their own roof. Toshihiko's status in the household is thus ambivalent;
he is catered to, but does not have the same authority as he might have
had in his own house.
-
The household's division of labour is otherwise conventional. Tomoko
handles most domestic chores, including meal preparation, laundry, and
cleaning, while Toshihiko attends local community meetings, takes out
the rubbish, tends the moss garden, and takes care of other odd jobs
such as hanging reed screens over the windows. Toshihiko has not allowed
himself to be drawn into daily care tasks that he would prefer to
avoid. While he does not consider himself to have gone out of his way
for his parents-in-law, he does make some effort at companionable
interaction:
Honestly, I don't like spending time with my parents-in-law! It is
sometimes annoying
For example, I was having a cup of coffee one
weekend morning. My father-in-law came in to read a newspaper, flipping
pages noisily just in front of me. I thought 'give me a break!' So, I
don't like being with them. But I sometimes ask my parents-in-law if
they want to join me and talk together
I try to make time to talk with
them. I think that talking about various things and asking them how
they're doing can be a form of psychological care (seishinteki kaigo)
My relatives told me that my father-in-law was very pleased to be
living with us
It was a real effort to move in here, so we have to
make it meaningful. I hope they do appreciate having us here. So, I make
efforts to talk as much as I can, so as not to make a wall between us
Before moving, my wife and I wondered if we could live with them for
ten years. We do hope they will live a long time, and enjoy living
together with us. When they eventually leave us, my wife and I hope they
will know our deep gratitude towards them
my parents-in-law have
raised our three children as much as we have. So, I'd like to repay my
gratitude (ongaeshi)
by talking to them, to make sure that our everyday lives together are meaningful (Hyogo, 3 August 2014).
-
Toshihiko makes sure to greet his parents-in-law every day. On weekend
mornings, he spends time chatting with them over a cup of coffee,
working against his personal feelings of reluctance. He does not regard
fostering such companionship with his parents-in-law as an end in
itself, but rather as recompense for their help in raising their three
children. As both he and Tomoko worked full-time, his parents-in-law
were often able to look after their three children, since they lived
nearby. As I have shown elsewhere, a commonly expressed reason why
grandfathers are willing to involve themselves with their married
daughters' childcare is partially their wish to be looked after when
they require care in later life. Furthermore, grandfathers also provide
financial support for their married daughters with occasional cash
gifts, paying meals at restaurants, and sometimes even buying them
property. In this way, such men try to channel their daughters' agency
into repaying their gratitude to their fathers in the form of care.[18] In fact, many of my informants share their wives' feelings of gratitude, citing the repayment of gratitude (ongaeshi) to explain their felt need to care for their parents-in-law.
-
Importantly, sons-in-law such as Toshihiko experience this feeling of
gratitude towards parents-in-law, whereas traditionally husbands'
contact with parents-in-law was quite limited. Historically, eldest sons
and their wives cared for the husbands' elderly parents within the
system of ie family succession as a repayment of gratitude due in
part from the older generation's participation in the care of young
children. The experiences of my informants suggest the practice of such
repayment of gratitude in contemporary families is much less structural
than negotiated, and has in many cases the locus of such return has
shifted from the parents of husbands to the parents of wives. This
finding reaffirms the need to shift discussions of elderly care in the
context of the Japanese family away from structural-functional
paradigms, such as those that privilege the norms based on the ie family system, toward more relational and intimacy-based models.
-
Notwithstanding Toshihiko's view of repayment of gratitude, from his
perspective the desire and need to move in with his parents-in-law
remains a challenge to his masculinity. Unlike Minoru, whose masculine
identity wrestled with the fact that his time is now chiefly devoted to
caring for elderly relatives rather than his career, for Toshihiko the
salient change has been the decision to give up his own house.
Consequently, Toshihiko is forced to deal with the ambiguity that exists
between himself and his father-in-law in terms of the relative
distribution of authority, power and economic resources associated with
hegemonic masculinity in the family. In practice Toshihiko and his
father-in-law address such concerns on a case-by-case basis. On some
matters, they coordinate with each other, such as by contributing
equally to the renovation. On others, such as toilet habits, Tomoko
negotiates as intermediary in the roles of daughter and wife. Other
matters are addressed through some degree of spatial separation, as with
recognising and respecting the mutual compartmentalisation of the
renovated home space between the two generations. These mechanisms and
arrangements compensate for Toshihiko's relatively limited authority
within the home. Further, in a way somewhat analogous to Minoru's case,
the fact that Toshihiko also considers his situation to be temporary,
likely to last no more than a decade or so, may also be interpreted as
another means to reconcile himself to his situation and preserve his
sense of masculinity.
Conclusion
-
The increased involvement of daughters in caring for their own elderly
parents invites consideration of the emerging relationships of
middle-aged men with parents-in-law in need of support and care in the
context of the extended Japanese family. This article has demonstrated
the significance of understanding how men today perceive their roles as
caregivers in increasingly diverse families and the significance of
their gendered choices when delivering care. For some of my informants,
their involvement with care of the elderly deeply challenges their
notions of masculinity, but this is not always the case. In all cases,
however, how these men address their sense of masculinity is contingent
on the re-shaping of family relationships.
-
While appreciated by other family members, sons-in-law limit their
contributions to familiar activities they consider to be appropriately
masculine. They characterise their selectively undertaken activities
using idioms that appeal to professional and recognisably masculine
spheres, thereby allowing them to reconcile their involvement in the
care of elderly relatives with an existing sense of masculinity. Thus,
they introduce an element of continuity in crafting novel masculinities
related to their evolving parents-in-law relationship.
-
While becoming a primary caregiver for parents-in-law can potentially
challenge a son-in-law's sense of masculinity, this can be mitigated by
extending the notion of care to include compensatory non-domestic
activities and, critically, considering the caregiver status to be
temporary. Further, contributions by sons-in-laws should also be
understood not only in terms of active everyday involvement, but in the
opportunity costs arising from their choice of living arrangements.
Nonetheless, co-residence with parents-in-law may still allow a
son-in-law to carve out a role compatible with his sense of masculinity
in a domestic setting through the mediation of his spouse. This points
to how addressing elderly care is embedded in wider family negotiations,
including those that take place between husband and wife, siblings, and
both sets of parents, all of which are questions that must be addressed
in future research. Care of the elderly, then, must be seen as being
embedded in the wider context of changing family relations, which
importantly includes the increasingly prominent roles of sons-in-law in
the support of new caring arrangements. Such roles are contributing to
the ongoing societal move away from vertical ie norms of
patrilineal family structures by situating the traditionally marginal
son-in-law relationship more centrally within the contemporary Japanese
family.
Notes
[1] In this article, I do not include cases of adopted sons-in-law as this is beyond the scope of this paper.
[2] Dorinne Kondo, Crafting Selves: Power, Gender, and Discourses of Identity in a Japanese Workplace, Chicago: University of Chicago, 1990; Marry White, Perfectly Japanese: Making Families in an Era of Upheaval, Berkeley: University of California Press, 2002; Tomoko Hidaka, Salaryman Masculinity: Continuity and Change in Hegemonic Masculinity in Japan, Leiden, Boston: Brill, 2010.
[3] Cf. Ochiai Emiko, Kindai Kazoku to Feminizumu [Feminism and the Modern Family], Tokyo: Keisō Shobō, 2000.
[4] Kazumi Ishii and Nerida Jarkey, 'The housewife is born: The establishment of the notion and identity of the shufu in modern Japan,' Japanese Studies, vol. 22, no. 1 (2002): 3547.
[5] Anne Imamura Anne, Urban Japanese Housewives: At Home and in the Community, Hawaii: University of Hawaii Press, 1987.
[6] Romit Dasgupta, 'Performing masculinities? The 'salaryman' at work and play,' Japanese Studies, vol. 20, no. 2 (2000): 189200; Gordon Mathews, 'Can "a real man" live for his family? Ikigai and masculinity in today's Japan,' in Men and Masculinities in Contemporary Japan: Dislocating the Salaryman Doxa, ed. James Roberson and Nobue Suzuki, London and New York: Routledge, 2003, 10925; Hidaka Tomoko, Salaryman Masculinity: Continuity and Change in Hegemonic Masculinity in Japan, Leiden, Boston: Brill, 2010.
[7] Lynne Nakano and Moeko Wagatsuma, 'Mothers and their unmarried daughters: an intimate look at generational change,' in Japan's Changing Generations: Are Young People Creating a New Society?
ed. Gordon Mathews and Bruce White, London and New York:
RoutledgeCurzon, 2004, 13754; Toshiko Himeoka, 'Changes in family
structure,' in The Demographic Change: A Handbook About Japan, ed. Florian Coulmas, Harald Conrad, Annette Schad-Seifert and Gabriele Vogt, Leiden: Brill, 2008, 23553.
[8] See Naomi Brown, 'Under one roof: the evolving story of three generation housing in Japan,' in Demographic Change and the Family in Japan's Aging Society, ed. John Traphagan and John Knight, Albany, New York: State University of New York Press, 2003, 5372.
[9] Susan Long, Ruth Campbell, and
Nishimura Chie, 'Does it matter who cares? A comparison of daughters
versus daughters-in-law in Japanese elder care,' Social Science Japan Journal, vol. 12, no. 1 (2009): 121.
[10] Nancy Finley, 'Theories of family labour as applied to gender differences in caregiving for elderly parents,' Journal of Marriage and Family, vol. 51, no. 1 (1989): 7986; Glenna Spitze and John Logan, 'Sons, daughters, and intergenerational social support,' Journal of Marriage and Family,
vol. 5, no. 2 (1990): 42030; Jeffrey Dwyer and Raymond Coward, 'A
multivariate comparison of the involvement of adult sons versus
daughters in the care of impaired parents,' Journal of Gerontology: Social Science,
vol. 46, no. 5 (1991): S259S269; Dennis Hogan, David Eggebeen, and
Clifford Clogg, 'The structure of intergenerational exchanges in
American families,' American Journal of Sociology, vol. 98, no. 6 (1993): 1428458; Evelyn Nakano Glenn, 'Creating a caring society,' Contemporary Sociology,
vol. 29, no. 1 (2000): 8494; Susan Long and Phyllis Harris, 'Gender
and elder care: social change and the role of the caregiver in Japan,' Social Science Japan Journal, vol. 3, no. 1 (2000): 2136; Amy Hequembourg and Sara Brallier, 'Gendered stories of parental caregiving among siblings,' Journal of Aging Studies, vol. 19, no. 1 (2005): 5371; Kristen Schultz Lee, 'Gender, care work, and the complexity of family membership on Japan,' Gender and Society, vol. 24, no. 5 (2010): 64771.
[11] Phyllis Harris, Susan Long, and Miwa Fujii, 'Men and elder care in Japan: A ripple of change?' Journal of Cross-Cultural Gerontology vol. 13, no. 2 (1998): 17798; Edward Thompson and Betty Kramer, Men as Caregivers, New York: Prometheus Books, 2004; Matsuura Tamie, 'Hatarakuhito niyoru kaigo no jittai [Report on working caregivers],' Jerontorojī jānaru
[Gerontology Journal], vol. 12, no. 019 (2013): 114; Hirayama Ryo,
'Kazoku kaigo-sha no sapōto-gen to sono keiji-teki henka: kazoku kara no
kyōryoku to kaigo hoken sābisu ni shōten o atete [Longitudinal changes
in support sources for family caregivers: an examination on the
association between family members' support and public care services]', Rōnen shakaikagaku [Japanese Journal of Gerontology], vol. 36, no. 1 (2014): 4347.
[12] I have changed the names of my informants to preserve their anonymity.
[13] Laurel Kamada, Hybrid Identities and Adolescent Girls Being 'Half' in Japan, Bristol: Multilingual Matters, 2009, p. 178.
[14] Kimio Itō, Otokorashisa no Yukue [The Direction of Manhood], Tōkyō: Shinyōsha, 1993, pp. 11314 and 16671.
[15] Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, Heisei 25nen Kokumin seikatsu kihon chosa no gaiyo
[Comprehensive survey of living conditions] (2013), Online:
http://www.mhlw.go.jp/toukei/saikin/hw/k-tyosa/k-tyosa13/dl/05.pdf
(accessed 22 February 2016).
[16] cf. Tom Gill, 'When pillars evaporate: Structuring masculinity on the Japanese margins,' in Men and Masculinities in Contemporary Japan: Dislocating the Salaryman Doxa,
ed. James Roberson and Nobue Suzuki, London: RoutledgeCurzon, 2003,
14461; James Roberson, 'Japanese working-class masculinities:
Marginalized complicity,' in Men and Masculinities in Contemporary Japan: Dislocating the Salaryman Doxa, ed James Roberson and Nobue Suzuki, London: RoutledgeCurzon, 2003, 12643; Hidaka Tomoko, Salaryman Masculinity: Continuity and Change in Hegemonic Masculinity in Japan, Leiden, Boston: Brill, 2010.
[17] Oscar Ribeiro, Constanηa Paϊl and Conceiηγo Nogueira, 'Real men, real husbands: caregiving and masculinities in later life,' Journal of Aging Studies, vol. 21 (2007): 30213.
[18] Hiroko Umegaki-Costantini, 'Grandfathering in contemporary Japan: Altruistic and self-serving means to happiness,' in Happiness and the Good Life in Japan, ed. Barbara Holthus and Manzenreiter Wolfram, London: Routledge, 2017, 86105.
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